Top 10 Ways to Stop Your Partners Porn Addiction
73You are in a relationship. Your partner has an addiction. The addiction is to pornography. What do you do? Following is a list of ten things you can do to stop the addiction.
10. Dress like a slut: Men are visual creatures. It only stands to reason, if your partner is addicted to porn, that you can provide more visual stimulation.
Not really. It doesn't matter what you look like, or how you dress. An addiction is an addiction and really has nothing to do with the innocent partner. Dressing it up in tramp clothes may be fun ocassionally, but it will not stop your partner from viewing porn. It will make you feel cheap and unlovable, but it won't change the behavior.
There is nothing you can do to stop an addict.
9. Act like a whore in bed: Again, it stands to reason, does it not, that what your partner seeks is more adventure between the sheets. Study up, and present some innovative ideas.
Actually, if you really want more adventure in bed, then by all means, go for it. Your newfound proclivity for standing on your head, while balanced on the headboard will not deter your partner from perusing favorite pornographic sites. He may enjoy your circus act, but he will still return to his addiction.
There is nothing you can do to stop an addict.
8. View pornography together; He may tell you that if you watch it together, he won't need to do it alone. So, you do the good wife act, and watch a few scenes. It is great to get aroused together, and to enjoy the hot sex afterward, but don't fool yourself. If he's addicted, he will soon be cruising the sites solo.
In a healthy relationship, casual viewing of adult movies can add a level of intesity to your sex life. The important key is that you both agree to do it, without guilt, fear, anger, or resentment. Like other things you buy at adult novelty stores, it is a tool for building intimacy, not a replacement for intimacy.
The is nothing you can do to stop an addict.
7. Love more: You convince yourself that if only you loved him more, he wouldn't have these needs outside of your relationship. You love him in spite of his addiction, and through all the crazy behavior. Your love is not enough. You can never love an addict so much that they change their behavior.
There is nothing you can do to stop an addict.
6. Give more sex: You figure if he is sexually satiated, he will no longer need to view pornography. Wrong. You could have sex twice a day for ten years, and he will still be on the computer at two in the morning. You mistakenly think that he wants more sex.For an addict, pornography is less about real sex and more about the brain chemicals released while viewing pornography.
There is nothing you can do to stop an addict.
5. Take away sex: You can try to alter behavior, based on negative stimuli, in this case, withdrawing sex completely. Not only will it infuriate and alienate your partner, it will also cause you to doubt your own attractiveness.
With a porn addict, you already question whether or not your partner is attracted to you. By withdrawing sexual activity, you completely eliminate the intimacy of the relationship, causing you to doubt further your attractiveness as a partner.
There is nothing you can do to stop an addict.
4. Put parental controls on all the computers: While this might seem like an easy solution, addicts are a creative lot. In most medium sized towns, access is readily available to video machines, magazines and movies. In addition, the ACLU claims that pornography viewing in public libraries is protected by the first ammendment.
The parental controls are a good idea for family computers, to protect children, but don't fool yourself.
There is nothing you can do to stop an addict.
3. Enlist help outside of your family: A trusted friend, counselor, or minister may be able to speak to your partner. Prepare yourself for accusations of exaggeration, manipulation and treachery. And be forewarned, according to Christianity Today, up to 50% of christian men engage in regular pornography viewing. So your trusted friend might end up an ally of your partner.
Prepare yourself also for the possibility that while your partner may claim to want to change, he will lie in order to protect his addiction. He will lie to you. He will lie to his counselor, priest, friends and accountability partners.
There is nothing you can do to stop an addict.
2. Shame, humiliate, threaten, yell: The full on frontal assault seems like it might hammer him enough to change his behavior. He may placate you with soothing words of change. Be wary. Unless you are ready to walk out the door, and make a change in your own life, your idle threats will ultimately fall on deaf ears.
There is nothing you can do to stop an addict.
1. NOTHING.
There is nothing you can do to stop an addict.
This goes for any kind of addiction. The only life you can change is yours. The only behavior you can modify is your own.
Until an addict is ready to admit his weakness and dependence, he or she will never change. Rather than wasting the precious moments of your life trying to fix someone who is broken, be bold. Take a step forward for yourself.
Stand up for what you believe.
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CommentsLoading...
These days, dressing like a slut is too frightening for everyone around me. Watch those leaping women, that you don't get injured!
Namaste friend.
There ARE excellent - mostly Christian - accountability groups available for men who are ready to admit they are powerless to change themselves, stop the addiction, relieve the rage, and really want to. Look up http://www.Avenueresource.com They have been a great help in my life. My marriage and other relationships have been restored and we just celebrated 31 years of marriage.
If a man wants to be delivered from his addictions to Pornography and anger, and if he is ready to admit that he has a problem, he is a candidate for Avenue for Men; Operation Destiny. This is an ACCOUNTABILITY group with a stress on fellowship with other men rather than secrecy. It can save relationships like it did mine. My wife and I just celebrated 31 years of marriage.
For more information go to http://www.avenueresource.com
Wayne, thank you for the great information. I am glad to hear it helped you. Congratulations on saving your marriage.
Namaste.
Ha! Serves me right for skim-reading the headings.
I work with men struggling with porn and their partners, and was mentally composing a "no!no!no!" tirade reply... and then the penny dropped.
The advice in this article is spot-on!
Jason, thank you for your comment and good luck with your work. I imagine it is challenging.
Namaste.
11. If you want to have an impotent man in his middle age, by all means keep him away from porn.
12. Women view porn, too.
What women don't understand is that viewing pornography is not cheating and doesn't mean men are willing to sleep with someone else. For men, viewing porn is:
a) an efficient way to relieve stress (remember that men can't work if they are turned on);
b) a necessity, because most women don't want to/can't have sex up to six times per day (that's how many times an average man needs in order to feel satisfied, regardless of what they tell YOU about it);
c) in case nobody told you, sperm is constantly produced regardless of man's current willingness for sex and needs to be regularly "unloaded". Like taking a dump. It will be done either by masturbating or unconsciously, during sleep;
d) masturbating is a different feeling - to give up on that is to give up on one's sexuality.
e) a way for a man to cope with his jealousy because of eventual past sexual experiences of his girlfriend - by viewing porn, he somewhat demystifies those experiences.
And the list goes on...
wow ein. It seems as though you have a lot of energy wrapped up in this issue. For the record, I am not against porn, nor am I against having lots of sex. What I am speaking to is addictive behavior, which does have an impact on healthy relationships, and on healthy sex between two people.
Namaste.
Addiction is normally thought of as participating in an activity which changes your priorities in life. For example skipping work, not being responsible with finances,watching porn at work,gambling with the rent money,stealing in order to get high, withdrawing from family and friends..etc
However I think there are a lot of people who for example watch soap operas every day and read soap digest on weekends and no one would say they are "addicted".
A man or woman could watch porn everyday and as long as it did not interfere with their daily life activities I would not consider it an addiction.
Often what happens is behavior we do not approve of we often label as unhealthy or an addiction. A non-drinker may take issue with someone who has a glass of wine every night with dinner. The fact that this person ALWAYS has a glass of wine each night is perceived as an addiction while they on the other hand are drinking a Coke/Pepsi for it's(caffeine). Some people actually get headaches and claim to be unable to function until after they have had a cup of coffee! That's addiction!
My point is just because we may not approve of something someone is "legally" doing does not mean "they have a problem". If it's a "true addiction" it will interfere with their daily lives.
Thanks for your comment, dashingscorpio. I agree that there are many addictive behaviors, which alter our daily behavior and our relationships. I do not disapprove of porn use. I am speaking to porn addiction, which hampers healthy relationships. That's why the title of the hub isn't "How to Stop Your Partners Porn Viewing". I am referring to addictive behavior.
Namaste.
I guess with any addiction the addictor has to come to terms how this behavior is affecting the way it make their lover feel and alter their addition. They have to want this change the same as other addicted people trying to kick a habit.
I don't believe watching the soap or an eating habit will make a lover feel less attractive or less than enough.
This is very different..ask any woman who feels like she has to compete with porn stars.
It's true, onelove, the addict must first come to terms with the addiction themselves.
Namaste.
Good article! Yes, there's no stopping a porn addict and if he's your husband or boyfriend, eventually, you're going to be in danger of getting hurt. I have been through this. I never thought it would get as bad as it did, but he was watching a lot of weird stuff I would never have guessed he was into. Move away from him if you can, change your number, don't put your name or photo anywhere, don't talk to mutual acquaintances, etc... Porn addicts only become more obsessive and aggressive. They are mentally ill. The hard thing to realize is how many of them there are... it's pretty much every guy you know these days because that stuff is everywhere and it is increasingly bizarre and violent!
Micky Dee Level 4 Commenter 22 months ago
I'd say "dress like a slut"! Of course, I'm not a player anymore. I've not needed porn at all. I don't have to close my eyes and naked women will leap into my head. Oh no! Here they come...